Love

Pause! — Blog ’n‘ Stories

Today is the day, the day priorities will be set.
Not because I have to, but because I can.

Today is the day I say “THANK YOU” to those who have persecuted, criticized, loved and commented on my stories and poetry.

Thank you, dear readers who came here for this very reason: to read.
Thank you,  to my very best friends who have regularly supported me with their corrections, that helped me to improve.
Thank you, to all the lovely people who came here for me as a person: my family, friends, and colleagues.
Everyone who came here because they like me. Thank you!

There are two very big challenges coming up, and they need a lot of attention.

www.jjbuettner.com will be our platform today and in the future.
A place for painted and written art, from us, for you.
Furthermore, we will keep presenting new art-works on a regular basis.
As soon as our big projects reached a certain point, their “form”, new “blog ’n‘ stories will surely follow as well.
Remember, you can still find us on Instagram: @jj_buettner

For right now, there are just a few things left to say:
We move on, and it would be just wonderful if YOU would move with us.

See you soon on jjbuettner.com,

Your Jenny

My center

I am my center, my priority, and my anchor.
I say it loud because that’s what counts.
Spend with me every day, there is no break.

I see my face the mirror and have no choice. Everything
I’ll ever find there, that’s right, that’s me.
I can replace the mirror, I can clean it.
No matter what I do, as soon as I look in again, I see only one thing: me.

Get up every morning, grateful for the day that I know well, is not granted. I am always myself. No matter where I go, who I talk to. May surround me with ugly souls or with beautiful ones. My soul, this one, belongs to me.

Every night, I close my eyes, whatever the day brought me,
do not spend too much time on what the night holds for me.
Isn’t it true that in this universe there are more things that I cannot influence than those that fit my desires?

My focus, that’s me.
I am an egoist, believe me, but I am a nice one, too.  In the first place, it has to be me, there is no other possibility.
I can work on who I want to be and how my own rating turns out.
Only then, because that’s really early enough, I reach out to help those I love. To love. To sacrifice myself for those who belong to me.
I’m able to decide that, now strong enough, my own anchor, that’s me.

Night

„Why are they all afraid of me, when misfortune happens during their working hours just as much, if not more?“ The night asked the day while they sat on a cloud for a sunrise.
„That’s just your own impression. How many times do we have to discuss this subject? “
The day replied annoyed and shifted in his seat. He had to get to work soon, the night knew that. However, in their infinite relationship, the day was more than aware: the night would not rest until the topic was discussed again.
That’s why he said quietly, with a smile on his face:
„Why do you not just get it out my darling, tell it from your soul.“

The night said, without hesitation:
„It’s especially the people who are afraid of me. I bring them so much good: wonderful sleep, rest, plants that grow and feed them. I also offer protection to them, in my darkness. Yet, they only see the danger that evil people have created. That’s so frustrating!
I could be upset about that for centuries. “

„That’s exactly what you are my love, you have been doing that for centuries and what has it brought us?“ The day asked and stroked the night gently over her shoulder, on which her black hair fell down in light waves.
„I know, I know. These people. They are all the same. It’s not worth to get off on that.
You have to go, my love, „she finished the conversation for now and kissed the day very gently. As her lips parted, the sun came up in the sky. The day had started for work.

The day passed and after their next farewell, the sunset, the time of work for the night had come. It was dark, surrounding everything, wrapped in a beautiful black coat. Black was exactly her style. The night smiled, pleased with her work. Suddenly the thoughts came back, those who said that no one liked her, everybody was just scared of her and she became sad.

„Good night, Luke“,
„Good night mom. I love you, „said the little one, who was well covered by his mother before she kissed his forehead and cheeks.
„Sweet dreams, baby“

The night was happy. She wanted to remember such scenes when she felt unloved: the good night kiss. Smiling, she made her way to the cloud to tell the day of her night and kiss him until sunrise because it’s the kisses that really count.

Love is that easy

Someone once told me, „Real love can be so easy“ and I thought ‘ if it’s easy, it’s not real’.
I did not understand what he meant when he said:
„True love is what’s  worth fighting for“,
but why to fight, if it’s so easy?

No matter how I turned it and turned it, it did not seem to fit together.
The dramatic love story, going to be easy?
A fight for something, that is so down-to-earth?
There was probably a difference between „true“ and „real” love, I thought.

„Love is easy, hate is hard,“ I read somewhere.
Truly, hate was exhausting and wild.
Not desirable. Simple love, on the other hand, or just love, was, what everyone wants.
I knew one thing for sure: I could not find it.
It had to find me for sure.

For a brief moment, I thought I was found. „Simple Love“, it was pleasant, like a cool
breeze, on a hot summer day. I wanted to keep it close.
Until I did not want it anymore, the friendship that was not Love at all.

On our day, the day of „true, real and simple love“,
I did not know what was waiting for me. Didn’t look for it.
My instincts, far from acceptable. I was unable to find anything, for sure.

But there he stood, my love. The truth.
The love worth fighting for.
Easy, because loving him, is easy as breathing.
A fight, so much bigger than myself, than us.
The certainty, that our love will always be greater.
A force. Simple, easy as breathing. Worth fighting.

Forgiveness

It is liberating, forgiveness.
Who is able to forgive is great.
It makes us strong, able to stand up with our chin high.
As children, we learn that forgiveness is good.
Nobody wants to be resentful.
Apologize and you will be forgiven.

But what if not?
The acceptance of our apology denied,
the damage is too big, the pain too deep.

Where is the mediator, our impartial helper,
Mom, dad or big sister, who say
„Look, he did not mean to hurt you“?

What will happen if forgiveness does not make us free?
Will those, who have not been forgiven, be prisoners forever?
So often, we are unforgiving against ourselves.
Do not let go, refuse to accept the mistakes made by us.

We act like we are our own enemy, least helpful
Counselor, and for sure so happy, to be bathing in our guilt.
All this pain, we gained on our own.

Couldn’t we just be our own friend, and if not,
at least a fair consultant?
A brother, a sister.
Just for a second, someone that loves us with all their heart.

30 years

It must have been on my fourth birthday when family and friends sat with us around our large dining room table. The cake right in front of me. All eyes on me, the birthday girl. Just like Dad’s camera: „Jenny, look here, hello,“ he wanted to get my attention.
I didn’t want cake. I did not want a birthday or guests. Also, I would have given up the gifts, if there was no other way.
I ran to my room crying. That stupid birthday! I figured it is something I don’t want because someone had told me, the more birthdays I would have, the sooner my parents would go forever. They would die!
My little heart could not stand this thought. My big heart, still cannot. The birthday was continued after, I was convinced, that, had nothing to do with my birthdays!

Today, I know that there are children for whom there is no birthday-party at all. Nor do they fear of losing their parents then, because they have lost them long ago. They never knew how salty a piece of birthday cake tastes, after hours of tears.
There was never cake for them either. Adults for whom that piece of cake, when the time for their most beloved people came, tastes just as salty.

30 years are not enough. I have the best, you.
Even if 30 more years have passed, I will always want more. Grab that piece of time, all I can carry, as if it were only for me alone. Knowing that none of us has unlimited time, but we all have that moment when our time is up.

I had 30 years.
I had love.
I had home.
I had courage.
I had difficulties.
I had respect.
I had strength.
I had fun.
I had tears.
I had role models.
I had discussions.
I had my opinion.

I have you.

For my dear parents: I will never get enough.
Perfection is an illusion. But if it was real, you would be very close to it.

Truth and promise

„Promise we’ll be friends forever,“ Larissa said with a big grin that day at the lake. I remember that moment so well because it was something special. The day was one of the most beautiful in this summer.
Why should you ruin that day with a promise, I thought back then.
Today I know why the promise seemed unnecessary to me.
All those years later Larissa and I are at the airport. On the way to our world trip. Just as we already dreamed of when we were little girls.

„Promise me that you will never stop loving me,“ I heard my brother’s girlfriend whisper. They were just about to go out on this warm summer’s evening. I sat next to my window and overheard the conversation by chance.
„Promise it already,“ she said.
„I promise,“ he grumbled back.
This relationship with my brother, ended as I expected: in ruins.
Our home became a battlefield. The love, the promised never-ending, was no more.
The world says, „Be careful what you promise because you have to keep promises.“

Yes, you have to.
Count on it!
Lies don’t travel far!

I say, „What is true does not have to be promised.“

Farewell

The day is approaching, the fear overpowering,
That big and devastating farewell approaching, if there was just something to avoid it, anything.

You have to go, I’ll let you go. I’m already on the track,
waving, the train picks up speed, with one of my loved ones in it.

It’s not here yet, I’m comforting myself silently, we still have time.
Not much though, hours go by at the speed of light.

My heart is heavy, I feel alone with my anger and pain,
who is responsible? Why don’t you just stay?

The day has come and the morning is far too early and cold, I look at you
as you sleep, asking my heart when you will be back with me.
I am selfish, just thinking about myself because you are mine, the world
you have to go back to, a dark city without lights.

Your awakening pulls me back from my thoughts,
your smile, my drug, without I don’t want to exist,
your embrace, your kisses, everything about you, brings me back, back from the darkness.

Tears run down my face, I see that you too would like to cry,
but you kiss me.
My hands are shaking, you do not want to let go, never.

„No goodbye in Love can ever be forever, my sweetest“, you whisper in my ear and I respond: „Yes, even if there was no place in this world for us, there is still one, somewhere, for our love „.

The train picks up speed and I wave, will painfully suffer, until you are back with me, someday. With a smile on my face, I approach the way home, to the home that is ours, knowing that it is the love that feeds us though.