I’ve been a vegetarian all my life, my previous life. In my earliest childhood my heart was breaking, when I was thinking about the animals who were suffering, just to end up on our plates. However, there came a day when I awoke in need. Thinking about vegetables made me furious.
I could not control myself, I couldn’t even try. So I finally gave up. I often wondered why I didn’t even feel a little regret. The pleasure of eating meat, used to choke me before and brought tears to my eyes. Not anymore, something inside of me was stronger than that.
As I climbed the rocks and mountains easily, I was thinking about how a pensioner would have beat me in a 100-meter sprint in the past.
In fact, something similar happened once. One day in spring, I was waiting impatiently for the bus, to take me home from university. I stood there reading. An older gentleman who was reading too, obviously waiting for the same bus. So it happened that we both didn’t notice the bus was coming. Also, the time while the bus was waiting at the stop, flashed by, while we were totally into our books. As I turned the page, I saw the bus from the corner of my eye, it just took off. I screamed „Stop, stop!„ And ran off. The old man did the same, his cane in hone hand, his book in the other. The bus had trouble getting through the busy street, otherwise we would have been without any chance from the get go. Just before reaching the bus, I hit the ground, without any apparent reason. For others, the reason was obvious: I was the reason. I was convinced that my gravestone would read one day: “The forever idiot and dork”. Falling over my own feet, has always been my thing. While I was crouching next to the sidewalk, I rubbed my right knee. That hurt because I hit the ground way too hard. I looked up. Grandpa, what I like to call him, surely he is someone’s grandpa, had actually reached the bus. As the doors closed again, I was still a long way off, from getting up. The old man went to the back of the bus and sat down in the last row. You know, the last row is only for the cool kids. He was smiling, as he waved at me while the bus took off again. Still, out of breath, trying to get up, just when I thought it could not be any worse, a young woman with a baby carriage came by. Her baby, who was obviously dissatisfied with the juice she served him, spilled it all over my head. Embarrassed she laughed and said: „I’m so sorry! Kids, what can you do?„ I couldn’t look at her, as I was too busy wiping the green liquid from my face. As soon as I was able to see, I noticed, she had disappeared. Of course, what can you do?
A cool breeze hits me and I take a deep breath. I get ready to jump.
The next rock is a good distance away, but I’ll get there. With less than a third of my power, I reach my goal and look around, checking out the surroundings.
If I could laugh out loud, I would do it, thinking of the miserable life that I had before.
My life was characterized by poor stories. It was a poor story all together.
I’ve was a loner and the weird kid. Any chance of self-humiliation I wasn’t left out, even then when I accepted my fate. Hiding in my poor apartment. I still felt different and condemned by others. I never had a girlfriend. That was obvious as in presence of half-interesting women, nothing but flat jokes and stupid giggles came out of me. „You shouldn’t laugh at your own jokes,„ my father always told me. That may be right, but what if nobody is laughing? Like never? It was not that my appearance was very helpful in any way, it wasn’t. I had always been pale and skinny.
I started losing my hair when I was twenty, it wasn’t long before what passed for a proper hairstyle to disappear. A year later it was all gone. I was the kind of nerd, that even his own family classifies as peculiar. Not even the people you may think they would have, had anything in common with me. I cannot even blame them.
The sun has reached its highest point. I close my eyes and stretch out on the rock spur. How did I get here? If I knew that, I would have chosen this path earlier, or at least asked for the way.
It all began on a warm summer night. After hours of working in front of the computer, I decided to take a little walk. In the house, Miss Kling, my neighbor, mocked me without any words at all. Her gaze said everything. Was it pity or just mockery? I guess a little of both. Usually, on such evenings, I took my usual route along the river. When I stopped, I looked at the passing cars. I loved the hustle and bustle that prevailed in the city at any time of the day. On this day I decided to go for a new walk along the edge of the forest. ‚For a neurotic loner like me, who loved routine, it was already a gamble,‘ I thought, smirking. Others get their adrenaline rush by jumping out of a plane, while for me it was already an experience to change the route of my daily walk. At this time, I was not aware of how much this decision would become an adventure. My adventure.
I searched my mind when I found myself at a clearing in the middle of the forest. It was so quiet that it was almost oppressive, so I decided to go back home. My watch had stopped, which did not surprise me. Nevertheless, I had certainly been walking for two hours. Who knows how long the way home would be. Way back over a small ditch, if it was one at all, I saw a possible shortcut for my way. I decided not to take it. The path was littered with moss-grown stones and I knew my luck. You remember the story with the bus and grandpa?
So I walked the same way back that I had come. Until I could not walk anymore.
I was stuck. My right foot was deep in the mud. My attempts to free myself from the situation, only sank me deeper ‚DAMN, SHIT, it’s always something!‘ I thought, then grabbed a branch to pull myself up. My thoughts wandered to my coach in high-school: „Only losers and little girls cannot make it up the rope.„ I remember her saying. She also blew her whistle to mock me even more. While the mud, from which I was going to learn later, was a bog, almost reaching my chin, I could think of nothing but my coach and her too tight shorts. Damn, that really was not a nice sight. It was only then, that it came to my mind to call for help, but I was used to the fact that when I was getting beaten up no one would come for help anyways. The dark mass had now reached my mouth. I threw my head back to be able to breathe and scream. As you probably already guessed, help would have been too late, however, there was no help.
As I sit right here, looking over the fields, the sun has almost disappeared.
The smart reader could understand that I somehow survived that accident? Just how? I have no idea. Why? I have no answer to that either. I just know it was like this:
When I opened my eyes, I had to blink several times. The sun had risen, somebody had pitied me and fished me out of the bog at the last moment.
Thank God or rather: Thank my helper!
I looked around to see nothing but trees. As my gaze turned to the left, I was paralyzed in shock: A dead deer! Oh my God! Who, yes, who had killed the poor animal like that? Do you know the phrase of saying „you should not lose your head„? Well, this advice probably did not get through to this deer. His head was laying separated from the lifeless body.
Blood was everywhere. I shook my hands before my eyes. Wait a minute, what was wrong with my hands? My fingers did not obey me, feeling as they don’t belong to me at all. I looked down at myself and saw what I had never thought could be possible. Then I jumped up, straightened up, suddenly felt weird to stand on two legs. Like an elephant in the circus. When I touched my face, I felt nothing, at least nothing of what had once been there. Again my sight went back on my hands and guys you know:
I didn’t hands anymore, I had paws!